Saturday, August 1, 2009

Apachita Storyboards Act 1

Hi! Here is my first stab at story boarding Act 1 (I broke the different sequences into acts for easier management). They're pretty rough but hopefully they'll get the job done. Please tell me if there's areas that are confusing or you think would look better with a different shot/perspective. etc!!


Katy Hargrove said...

I think my initial reaction is that I'd like you to let the laughing tree have an extra moment to be a jerk. Maybe she looks up and it almost tries to hide itself snickering, then just obnoxiously/unapologeticly busts out laughing. Or even makes a motion with it's arm like boohoo I'm crying, wah wah. Making the tree easier to hate will make your character even easier to sympathize with. My second comment would be that the glade panels are very flat and I'd prefer that to be a more interesting shot. Holding it is great because it lets people focus on the story, but the distance and flatness pull me away from the characters.

It's looking good though and I was sad there wasn't more of it to read when I got to the end. That's a good sign. :)

Katy Hargrove said...

Oh one more! I'd like to see her do some sort of reaction to the squirrel. Maybe a little half hearted leave me alone swat when she stands up. Or it's looking down at her tilting its head and she sticks out her tongue, then it sticks out its tongue and then they leave. Maybe let the squirrel linger for just a moment before following, giving it time to decide to come along.

Tirzah said...

Thanks for the comments Katy! I really appreciate it. A couple things I should have explained:

The squirrel guy is actually a tree spirit that the girl cannot see. He eventually tries to inhabit objects to try and cheer her up but is unsuccessful so he decides to become mortal in the form of a dog to be her friend! So in this particular scene she can't really see him. I'll add a couple more shots in there to help that read better.

As for the tree, it's only supposed to look like it's laughing. Like the bark of it's face looks like a laughing face, I'm not sure if I wanted to actually have it come alive. Would you rather see that?

I'll try and spice up the glade panels more. I'm a wuss when it comes to complex camera angles...

thanks again for all the comments!

Salzanos said...

wow, looks like tons of work! But for just starting I think it is looking good! I can't wait for more......

Bobby Pontillas said...

Ah Yes! Great start Turz! I love her character.

Maybe one way that we could sell the fact that she can't actually see the spirit is if , after he waves to get her reaction, she sits up and actually goes right through him. When I think about it, that kind of a sure fire way in movies to show that one person cant actually see another, they just sorta walk right through them.

I'd LOVE a little more emphasis to be placed on the spirit emerging from the statue bit, since its a big part of the story.

Maybe a shot with just the statue still , starts to shake , and the spirit emerges. And actually, with that I was thinkin that it'd be cool if there was a little more motivation for the spirit to appear. Maybe when she chucks the ball at the tree, after it smacks her head it ricochets and hits the statue, disturbing its peace in a sense, giving him more motivation to appear, and then he becomes curious and investigates.

I like the lonely character intro, I think a few character quirks could be great to incorporate into the first panels, like when she enters screen right she can stumble or even trip because shes had to run a long way to chase her ball down because bully kids threw it from her. Heh or maybe after she recalls kids making fun of her, her ears wiggle and she tries in vain to hide them with her hair.

I like Katys idea about the laughing tree and I also like the idea of the bark just LOOKING like its laughing, so maybe it could be both. Like she looks up , and the bark has that shape but in her mind it momentarily comes alive and starts to point and laugh at her,she even hears it laugh, she gets upset and throws the ball and we show the tree is back to normal.

Sorry for writing so much, I'm excited though and I cant wait to see more!